Signs that you're a redneck...

Your pet carrier


Your wedding cake


Your to-do list


Your grill


Your idea of a fishing trip


Your weather station


Your fashion sense

In case you didn't hate her already...

Her laugh makes me cringe.

'Gina Gems

There's finally an invention for all you ladies out there who have been waiting years to bedazzle your vajazzle. From flowers to peace signs to butterflies, these Swarovski crystals are the latest craze in vagwear and come in a variety of patterns. Where's the pattern that spells out "I'm a f*in idiot for wearing these"??



For anyone who's been afraid to bear their lady bits, fear no more: "The decor makes them feel less inhibited about being seen naked in the bedroom or when skinny dipping in front of a crowd." Last I checked, skinny dipping is meant to be a spontaneous peeling off of the clothes as you run/jump/dive into the nearest body of water rather than a "hold on a sec while I go bling out my beaver" sort of thing.




And just in case you're afraid of committing to the financial investment these require, the crystals supposedly stay put on the poon for a whole five days, giving girls plenty of time to show off your glittery goods.

And you thought YOUR parents were bad...

God invented condoms for a reason people, clearly not everyone is cut out for parenthood!

Who said kids can't draw?

A 1st grade girl handed in the drawing below for a homework assignment...



After it was graded and the kid brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note for the teacher:

Dear Ms. Davis,
I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Bieber Brat

Additional evidence to support my theory that even kids can be tools...

Early V-Day for Tool Time

Before all you Violas of the world start to feel sorry for yourself...

Super Bowl Shenanigans

Still undecided on what to do for the big game?

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

Just in time for the weekend...

(click to enlarge)

Farewell to Phil?

In honor of Groundhog Day, I'd like to share with you some groundhog ridiculousness. An animal rights group is demanding that the famed Punxsutawney Phil be replaced with a robot idiotically referred to as iPhil. PETA claims it's unfair to subject the creature to the bright lights and huge crowds that come with the Groundhog Day tradition. Bright lights and huge crowds? Hello people, get a grip- this is the friggen backwoods of Pennsylvania not the Barnum & Bailey Circus! If you ask me, forcing the ugly thing into retirement is the only thing unfair about this situation. How will poor Phil support his family after this?

My favorite part of Groundhog Day is watching those top-hat tools manhandle the hairy thing. I guess I'll have to find another way to amuse myself next
February 2nd.



Quote of the day: "Phil is being treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania." (President of the Inner Circle of the Punxsutawney Groundhog Club)