Friday, April 30, 2010

Suggested Read: Hip Snips

Apparently I missed the memo ladies because bald is out! For anyone looking for a good beach read this summer, may I suggest Hip Snips: Your Complete Guide To Dazzling Pubic Hair. Pube stylist Pablo Mitchell (yes he is a pube stylist and yes his name is Pablo)has put together a selection of the best 'dos for down there.

"A good pube snip generates confidence attained using normal hair products and relaxers," said Mitchell. Newsflash pubey Pablo - if your pubic hair is long enough to use any sort of product in it besides soap, then it's far too long for anyone but you to have to look at it. Instead of worrying about what hairstyle you'll choose, you should run to the nearest CVS and buy a scissor/razor/waxing kit. Screw that, if it's that long then even duct tape will do.

For those of you interested in jazzing up your carpet, Pablo proposes the following:
-"The Elvis" - Add some volume to make your member "The King"
-"The Hitler" - Channel the Fuhrer’s iconic 'stache in your lady garden
-"The Donald" - Grow out your rug on the sides and rock a combover

None of these doing it for you? How about the Isosceles Triangle? The Charlie Chaplin? The Rising Sun? The Chewbacca?

Note to the males reading this blog: A short trim will instantly lengthen your little guy

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Behind Every Great Child is an Even Greater Parent...

Who needs a puppy anyway?

This would happen at Walmart.

If he's gonna bicycle in traffic, at least he's using training wheels.

What a dad, he won't even let her tail drag!

No good can come out of this.

I knew mom looked thirsty!

How every good Mexican celebrates a quinceanera.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Baby Gaga

This video raises several questions:
1. Were there no fresh banana microphones in the house?
2. Why can a 7-year-old ginger dance 100 times better than me?
3. How embarassed is this kid gonna be in 10 years?
4. Where can I get myself a pair of those pajamas?

Note: Just because this kid is singing into a banana doesn't make it okay for his pervy dad to walk by swinging his pecker around in a banana hammock.

(Shoutout to Jackie for bringing this awesome video to my attention!)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Awkward Family Photos

Even if you're daddy's little girl, this kind of kissing is no bueno.

So this guy abducted 2 little white girls AND was solely responsible for one of them breaking her head.

What's creepier? These mullets or the incredibly disturbing hairy-eared Easter bunny in the background?

What's scarier? Little sis' dyke cut or the baseball bat she is angrily wielding at her brother's head? She's probably just jealous that he has better hair.

That's not chocolate...

If that's what your "guns" look like then you should probably keep them in your holster AKA a long-sleeved shirt, preferably one with shoulder pads and fake muscles attached. And the lightning bolts in the background? Not okay. EVER.

If this guy got the kid off his head and wiped that goofy grin off his face, he might notice the humpty backs humping right behind him.

Monday, April 5, 2010