Friday, July 30, 2010

Why Pet Adoption is Not Always a Good Thing

Who would've thought that terrorists liked pet birds?

I can't decide what's worse here - this guy's balding combover or the fact that he has on lipstick.

The only thing missing here is a coonskin cap on one of those little dudes' heads.

If kittens are supposed to make kids giggle and want to cuddle, why do these kids look like they want to jump off a bridge? Pay close attention to the kid on the right in the blue and red plaid shirt.

Must be awkward trying to breastfeed their "baby."

Thursday, July 29, 2010

A Breath of Fresh Air

Sick of getting woken up by a symphony of ass pipes? Tired of waking up to the smell of hot ass?

For all you wifeys out there who just don't appreciate your husband's scent any longer, there is finally a solution to your marital bedtime woes. The Better Marriage Blanket quickly and completely absorbs the odor of flatulence. The blanket looks and feels like a plain old comforter on the outside, but has a magical layer within (aka carbon fabric) that traps your ass air.

If you're having any doubts, you can rest assured that this shit's legit. It's made with the same fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons so you should be safe next time hubby decides to drop a nuclear bomb in his sleep.

The website touts that the Better Marriage Blanket makes a great gift for a wedding, anniversary or birthday. You must be pretty f*in rude/stupid/selfish to present your spouse with this as a gift. If your hubby or wife can't appreciate a good dutch oven then who the hell can??

This logo is a problem. Are the ass cheeks passing gas really necessary?

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I Can Fix That

Need a spoon? I can fix that.

Can't afford a GPS? I can fix that.

Car stereo stolen? I can fix that.

No time to feed the baby? I can fix that.

Bookshelf broken? I can fix that.

Don't have a cooler? I can fix that.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Defy Gravity

To all you ladies out there who thought your twins were perky enough to poke an eye out, the latest in dumb inventions is taking the girls to new heights - literally.

Push-up bras are so 2009, yoobies are the tit tech of 2010. Yoobies are inflatable inserts that slip into your bra, giving boobs a boost within seconds of pressing a small button on the side. Your set can instantly inflate to desired size and deflate just as easily if it’s a little too much bust than you bargained for.

The website touts that they're as "light as air" - no shit sherlock, this is literally like sticking two balloons up your ta-tas.

Chocolate Bubbies

Vanilla Bubs

Great for every occasion, the mastermind behind these says that chicas may want to keep their Yoobies subtle at the office, but pump them up for happy hour afterwards. Last time I checked, I don't leave work and then throw on my push-up bra to go to happy hour. May I recommend saving your money and splurging on more cocktails instead?

How to tell these are a problem: the website includes a warning that yoobies should not be used as flotation devices. The site also clarifies that they can be worn on airplanes, although I'd bet it must be pretty f*in awkward to have to explain these to airport security.

Fear not all your mosquito-bite-boobed girls or saggy Sallys out there- a full Yoobies Inflatable Bra hits the market next month.

She should be embarassed.

Friday, July 2, 2010


The only thing these people got right were their sunglasses.

I didn't know vampires kept pet roosters.

Unless Luke Skywalker was in the background, those light sabers are totally unnecessary. Not to mention the fact that this guy looks like a child molester.

Doggie style

This is just f*in weird.